Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Initially it was looking good, the first hour was above average action ride practically repeating things that worked in the first movie. Sadly, after that nothing but senseless exaggeration in terms of “lets maximize everything that worked before” happens. Therefore Drax’s ability to not understand sarcasm is used basically in every other scene, Groot is even more cutter etc. 

The length, almost 2,5 hour, is simply overwhelming for such an elementary story and after the first hour it becomes tiring, lobotomizing, nothing remarkable happens. Those movies should have been 50 minutes long.

Kong: Skull Island (2017)

Here it goes, another remake/reboot of a classic. currently there was like dozen of King Kong’s movies therefore someone got an idea to add another one to this bizarre pile.

And this current attempt is, empty. Even though it starts with a rapid speed, after no more than 20 minutes the whole crew is on the island and you can imagine what happens next, shit hits the fan. Kong’s first appearance quickly follows because typical american idea popped up: “Hm, What the hell is that?…I don’t know, but we should kill it with bombs”

Everything looks fine and action scenes are great. Well at least to the first 40 or 50 minutes then it tries to slowdown a bit and start with developing story and characters. But that’s the problem, in this movie, there isn’t any story or characters to develop and the forced slowdown in tempo makes in really visible.

After the film spans from this part towards the end it starts accelerate again but no matter how hard the movie tries to act cool again, the final boss battle seems kind of “meh”. A disproportionate amount of boring scenes can’t make up for a few great looking and cool scenes. Even the monsters are disappointing, there just upscaled ordinary animals like the spider, The Phasmatodea  etc. I wished they were more creative.

Nevertheless Kong: Skull Island should be just a first of the many “monster movies” that in the ideal world should begin great franchise and it’s well-known that there should be a Kong vs Godzilla movie around 2020. This is basically the reason why is the Kong so fucking big.

Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)

Visually breathtaking yet heartless story from Star Wars universe placed between episode III and IV.

It’s cruel reality and sadness that even at 21st century the well written FEMALE characters are practically non existing and Rogue One is no exception. Felicity Jones’s Jyn Erso was very unpleasant character, she was actually quite a bitch, switching from one extreme to another. From total disinterest, with nothing but blink of an eye, to best and most loyal fan of rebel alliance. All of that makes it pretty hard to sympathize with her.

Other characters suffer in almost identical way. There is no room left for empathy, Anybody who watched Star Wars knows that this story is about stealing construction plans of death star and the ones  who stole them died. You know they are going to die but you don’t care, it’s cold and impersonal.

The cheap jokes, that could be easily invented by 12 years old kid, only further undermine the atmosphere. Worth mentioning is robot unit K-2SO and its sarcastic sense of humour sadly it’s similar to but not as funny as Marvin, the Paranoid Android from hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy.

The Soundtrack was really terrible, strange hybrid of the original themes from Star Wars and something that was made to sound like Star Wars. Instead of that they should either pick just the original themes or try to compose completely new tracks.

What has happened is a complete separation from Star Wars and their unique story telling and what’s left is just a soulless good-looking sci-fi body floating through space. Body that you don’t care about. Body that you leave lying on the ground and let it rot.

★★★★★

Apocalypto (2006)

At the beginning slower pace turns gradually into thrilling tempo that doesn’t stop until the end.

Not a unique story but it’s sufficient when you try to show an ancient civilization and it’s brutality. You can discuss whether it is accurate representation of mayan civilisation or not. It’s always difficult when the civilisation is at least several hundred years “extinct” and thanks to location pretty “mysterious”. You should just grab some popcorn and enjoy the story about a guy who is trying to get back his family, hm typed like that it sounds like another Liam Neeson’s movie.

It has solid action sequences and overall it’s a great movie which takes place in surroundings not so often used in Hollywood.

 

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage (2017)

Wasted opportunity to revive this “dirty james bond” series.

It froze in time. They tried something that could maybe work 15 years ago but for today’s standards it’s way too low. Awful screenplay that could be easily written by a 8 years old kid doesn’t really help too. 100 times seen cliches with fast video editing and absolutely useless cgi sequences. You have Tony Jaa and Donnie Yan, why would you ever need to use bloody CGI.

It’s a shame when you manage to have stars like Tony Jaa and Donnie Yan but you can’t unleash your imagination. As a result of that there are truly no epic fight scenes. Just ordinary stuff like crappy dialogues and world where everyboy can withstand direct impact from RPG or hit by car at full speed.

Nevertheless it had a few cool moments (and plenty of the cringe, not cool at all moments)if you are looking for some action movie to pass few hours, you found one.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows (2016)

Name so long you have to be diver to be able to pronounce it in one go.

It looks like a Transformers but it’s not. It looks like a Transformers sequel but it’s not. What it is? Oh yeah, the second TMNT movie, which is even worse than last Transformers.

  • Megan Fox – checked
  • Weird robotic thing – checked
  • cheesy jokes – checked
  • tragic storytelling and characters – checked

If you love yourself or your kids you can go watch the original animated tv show but definitely not this attempt to make another series to milk money.

Allied (2016)

It’s one of those movies in which the story is quite uninteresting with believable neat retro visage. The main characters has a cold impression. Their emotions are simply not there.

So when it comes to Story, development of main characters and the main plot, you just don’t care.

Yet for some strange reason I so much enjoyed watching the whole movie thanks to the cinematography by Don Burgess. The steady continuous shots that were made with extreme precision, love and were also delicately cut. Absence of fast cutting and notorious shaky camera.

It was orgasm for eyes but hammer blow for brain.